You Set Me Free - Angie Miller
“The fire when I’m weak,
The strength that carries me,
The calm through the storm,
Oh, that’s what you are.”
Growing and comparisons
I want to constantly be working towards growing and improving in every area of my life. But it is so easy for me in my quest for growth to be measuring myself against others. Sometimes when I think about character traits I wish I had, I compare myself to other people, and instead of building myself up, I start tearing myself down. It’s hard not to compare myself to others, especially when I’m constantly around people.
When I am alone, I don’t judge myself. I don’t second-guess my actions or worry about what others might think. I feel more free to express myself and say what I’m thinking.
I wish there was a middle ground between the confidence and comparison. That’s what I’m looking for right now. A way to bring the confidence from solitude into the community and my interactions with others.
"But what if I share my brokenness
What if you share how you feel
And what if we weren’t afraid of this crazy mess
What if we were real."
-Mandisa, “What if we were real”
Wisdom teeth surgery
I just had my wisdom teeth removed two days ago, but so far the recovery has been going pretty well, and the pain meds have been doing their job. On the plus side, this means I get to sit around the house watching tv guilt-free. And I’ve discovered the amazingness that is Nestle’s White and Dark Chocolate ice cream.
Leaving
This morning has been a blur of throwing away trash, sorting dozens of papers, throwing away half of them, removing the notes and pictures from the corkboard, and packing clothes into suitcases. It’s bittersweet, leaving and knowing things won’t be the same next year. That this past year, with all its unique experiences, is ending. Leaving res feels like leaving vacation. You know it’s not permanent and you’re excited to go back home, but you’ll miss that life you had here.
I’ll miss the connections made and the conversations and the little silly moments. Watching anime movies in the pod with everyone. The moments seem so normal and unimportant, but they are what I’ll look back on as a part of my time at Ambrose.
A memory
One summer day not too long ago, I was discussing university with a couple of people and how frustrated I was that I hadn’t done as well as I’d hoped. Two of them looked at each other and then back at me, and then one said, “You’re too hard on yourself.” It was the first time anyone had told me that, and this new knowledge startled me. I am? Really?
I started looking back at my reactions to various circumstances and slowly began to see a pattern. I get frustrated when I don’t react with poise and confidence. Or when I don’t follow my detailed daily schedule and instead do nothing all afternoon. And I beat myself up for making the same mistakes over and over again. Still, even though I’ve realized this, it doesn’t change my self-perception. But it is a reminder of how much I need to step back and not get so upset over how many hours I’ve been unproductive. And it feels weird, like I’m accepting mediocrity. But maybe I’ll learn more this way. If I can give grace to others, than surely I should give myself grace as well.
He makes all things new. It is finished.
Revelation 21:5-7
